How to Convince and Persuade People Effectivley

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Learning how to convince and influence people can be a very handy tool in life, business and any relationship.

Whether you are a sales person looking for helpful ways to increase your income by selling more, an activist with an important cause that wishes to connect more people for the common good, A responsible parent that wants the better good of his child, Learning how to convince and persuade people effectively will prove to be immensely useful for you.

Of course as most skills go, this can be used to achieve positive results or negative results as well.  

As you read this article and discover the key components and ways to influence and convince people and the immense power that lay in these tools, it is very important that you remember that what comes around goes around.

So make sure you are always using your powers for the greater good and not for any sort of manipulation or narrow agenda.

What does a Sex Shop Have to do With Influence?

The first time I stumbled upon the whole area of influence was during one of my first sales jobs. Having no experience and just getting started in my career my options were immensley limited at the time.

Oddly and luckily A friend arranged for me to start working at a local sex shop which by the title you can imagine was selling a variety of weird contraptions to enhance the experience of the more intimate regions of the human body.

Of course working in such a shop wasn’t my biggest dream and kind of embarrassing, but it actually taught me allot about how to convince and persuade people and many other valuable lessons that have helped me in business situations to this day.

Plus I also acquired an arsenal of funny stories that rival any great standup comedian at any social gathering…

Though I had no idea back then how to sell, I quickly learned there was a science to leading people to buy what you want. This wasn’t some script or tactic, but rather a combination of behaviors that created the right environment and gave place for a natural unfolding of the process.

Even though I was the youngest employee in the whole chain of stores, through applying the concepts I’m about to show you I was able to become the #1 sales person in that awkward company within less than 3 months.

It took me a few years to understand and categorize each aspect of the process, but slowly and surely all the pieces fell into place. The interesting thing is that it doesn’t matter if you are selling a product, influencing a group or simply wish to motivate a person to make positive change in their life.

The rules of persuasion are similar in all situations.

The 5 Keys of How to Influence and Convince People

Trust and Rapport:

The first and most important rule of influence is that you must build trust and rapport with the other person. People feel comfortable with others that they believe are similar to them. This is an unconscious process that is due to evolutionary reasons.

Rapport is relating and empathizing with another creating the feeling of similarity which ultimately leads to trust. If you can build true rapport with someone and as a result gain their trust, convincing and influencing them becomes a relatively easy task.

The easiest way to achieve rapport is to actually care for the other persons’ better interest.


Persuasion is a game of understanding what the other person values and matching your desired outcome to increase the value for the other.

If you really want to understand how to persuade and convince people, understanding the game of value is prevalent.

The simple truth is that people will not make decisions that will leave them worst off than they were before. This is true in the profession of sales and also in every other area of life.

If you can’t find what’s in it for the other person, how he or she will benefit from taking the action and correspond it to their inner values and criteria,

You will probably hit a wall of resistance…

If I value modesty and privacy and you try convincing me to take action that will result in me becoming famous and wealthy, you would violate my values and cause me to retreat.

It’s important to understand that every person has different values and what you think is important might not be to the other.

Learning how to influence and convince people effectively is about entering their view of the world, not forcing them into yours.

So how do you know what the other person values?


The best way to know what another values and what motivates them is simply by opening those cavities on both sides of your head and listening. Now as simplistic as this may sound, people rarely really listen. Studies have shown that this skill is one of the most neglected and unpracticed out there, yet one of the most important.

To really understand how to persuade and convince people effectively, you must learn to actively listen to others while they speak in a nonjudgmental and focused manner.

Being somewhat ADD, I have been struggling with the art of listening many times. This is something I practice and improve on a daily basis and has changed many aspects of my life.

 I still catch myself listening to what others say waiting impatiently to squeeze in my thoughts before they vanish from time to time, but it has become much easier to control.

When you build good rapport and listen well to what others wish to share, they will give you their inner most values faster than you imagine.

Talking to The Emotions:

This might be a bit hard for some of the more logic based men out there, but the easiest most effective way to persuade and convince is by talking directly to the emotions.

There’s a very true and accurate saying that states that “logic always justifies emotions”. One of the explanations for this being that our emotional brain is more ancient than the cortex part that does the logical thinking which came later in our evolution as a species.

In fact, unlike logical thinking that is a conscious function, our emotional thinking is a subconscious one. Masters of influence are known for being able to talk directly to the persons’ subconscious mind by emotional triggers.

If you can tap that emotional place, the logic follows to justify the emotion. Learn to talk in images and how things will feel and you will see much more compliance to your requests.

Taking action:

If you follow the previous 4 key elements of how to persuade and convince people then this final part will usually prove to be rather easy. That being said, you must understand that the average person is highly indecisive and will rather not make a decision or take action if possible.

This has a positive side to it because it means that usually if you build rapport, gain trust, listen intensively, find their values and talk to their emotions – They will let you make the decision for them.

Think about these key steps and practice them often and you will see your ability to influence others grow faster than a speeding bullet.

Discover more about how to persuade and convince people effectively

If you want to know more about how to master the art of influence and improve your communication skills to achieve more out of your relationships and business life

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Posted on by Kiko in Blog, Influence

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